To the death

(written by amy)

i'm in a fight to the death,
my enemy immortal
distorted images of happiness,
my only portal
the empty dreams,
the heartless lies
my voice is gone,
pain heard over cries
no one cares who they hurt,
they're getting what they want
your face brings painful memories,
so desolate and gaunt
i try to cover up,
i don't want to show
but you can't hide what overcomes you,
the pain you've caused, you know
i'm so confused,
i don't know what to do
i'm used to you being here,
now there's no one to turn to
my enemy lives on,
taking over my soul
the feeling that makes me empty,
once made me feel so whole.

Death of a friend

(written one of my friends)

I woke up this morning feeling sad and blue,
My mum told me to go to school, what am I some kind of fool?
I told her I had better things to do,
and when she got me angry I just told her "Fuck you"

I wait impatiently until she finally leaves
and when she did, I whipped out some speed.
I smoked that shit to the fullest..till I was high,
you think I give a fuck? I don't care if I die!
It's about 3pm now and I haven't had enough,
the speed's side effects are still hangin on tough.
All dizzy and nautious I walk to my room,
and under my bed I find a bag of shrooms.

I eat those shits up and what do I see?
Hey it's my red teletubbie Poe...he's talkin to me!
I got mad at him for no reason and picked him up
threw him against the wall and called him a stupid fuck.
It's about 5pm now and my mum's gonna be coming home,
I gotta get outta here, but where could I go?
I call up my friend and tell her to come pick me up
In a few minutes we gotta go buy some stuff.

She pulls into the driveway and I get into the car,
but in the rear view mirror I could see my mum's car.
Judy turns the car around and steps on the gas,
I look stupidly at my mum and give her the finger as we pass.
We speed away down the street and I looked at my friend,
I could notice from her blood shot eyes she had been taking E.
We get out of the car and look around for the people we were supposed to meet,
and in a few minutes we see them down the street.

They handed us the weed and were waiting to get paid,
but when my friend refused one of them took out a shiny blade.
They threatened her to death as she stood very still,
I could see the look in their eyes...they just wanted to kill.
The other guy took out a gun and pointed it to her head,
and in a few seconds my best friend was dead.

I watched in horror and they got in the car and drove away,
and in front of my feet was where my friend lay.
I bent down and picked her up,
I screamed with all my might," this shit is fucked up!"
I cried my heart out that same day,
as I lay her head down, looked at her for the last time, and ran away.

I stormed in the house, looking like shit,
my mum looked at me and asked "what was the whole finger bit?"
I pushed my way past her as she held on to me tight,
I warned her, but she wouldn't listen, so I turned around and punched her
with all my might.
She fell on the floor and looked up at me,
with a face full of anger, dismay, and misery.

I went up to my room and called my friend Ray,
told him about everything that had happened that day.
He told me not to panic, he would figure something out,
but when he hung up, I got up and again went out.
I went back to the place where my friend once lay,
I knew someone had found her cause they took her body away.

I smoked my last smoke, and puffed my last puff,
cause from this day on, I would never again touch that stuff.

From that day on I stopped doin drugs,
cause that fucked up shit made me lose the person I most loved.
Today I attended my friend's funeral in pain, and remembered the day she died in
front of my eyes.
I should of done something, but what could I do?
What would you of done if this happened to you?
I miss her a lot and think of her everyday,
For drugs led us nowhere, only to her grave.

Don't let this happen to you in any kind of way,
just look at me...my best friend died two days before my birthday!
Wanna know why as I'm writing this I cry?
Because the only way I stopped doin drugs was by watching my friend die.

Our love is now lost

As my end draws near
I sadden and cry
for deep in my heart
I know i'll soon die

The anger and rage,
about the love I had lost
now comes to mind
as I straighten my cuff

The mistakes I had made,
the love for which I care
now rests beneath
the dark suit I wear

Looking my best,
all dapper and neat
as I polish my wing-tips
then walk down the street

With a rope in my hand,
and a knife in my heart
I reach my final hour,
as I sit in the park

Smiling for a moment
as his face comes to mind
then shedding a tear
fore he'll never be mine

Gathering my strength
as my heart strongly beats
i step on a box
with both of my feet

With the rope to the branch
the noose to my neck
I kick out the box
with one final kick

I notice a puddle
as I swing from the tree
there's a reflection inside
it looks like me

From our weeping willow I hang
lifeless and cold
Our love is now lost
My heart has grown old

untitled

(written by one of my friends during her eating disorder)

Food, I really hate the stuff,
The smell alone makes me gyp.
Im far too fat and ugly to eat,
Theres 1000s of calories in each chip.

My stomach and cheeks are really drawn in,
But not far enough.
My legs are too chubby and wide,
My face, I refuse to stuff.

Admit I have a problem?
A problem, I see non-.
Im just big and ugly,
My appetites just gone.

I just want to be skinny,
Thin and pretty too.
No one will like me like this,
Its what I want to do.

Nobody can stop me!
You can never be too thin.
Being sick is easy,
Eating is a sin.

Sorry!

You died when you were only young,
I didn't have the time.
To watch you while you went and slept,
To cuddle you when you whine.

And now your gone, what can i do?
But wish i could turn back the clock.
I didn't mean to hurt you,
To me, you meant a lot.

As you laid dead in your cradle,
I cried a million tears.
I loved you more than anything,
You were worth all my fears.

I'm sorry you had to go my love,
I do anything for you back.
I prey that you are happy now,
Laid buried in a sack.

Why did you take your life?
Did I do anything wrong.
Dont you know you have taken a part of me?
For heavens sake Im your mum.

Youre the only thing I wanted.
You were my lifes only goal.
How dare you go and take it,
You were my life, My soul.

We all miss you dearly,
How could you be so cruel?
Didnt you think I loved you?
I know life is s duel.

You took away my happiness,
My heart you broke in two.
What could make you do this?
What made you feel so blue?

I just hope youre out there,
And your pain has gone away,
If I knew I could have helped you,
It didnt have to be this way.